I remember when I wrote this post a few weeks ago, I was so sure that I’d end up marrying Mr SF. And soon too.
And why wouldn’t I be? I was in love with him, more than I thought was possible for me, I thought he was the love of my life and I dedicated everything to that relationship.
But on Monday, February 1, at about past 10 pm, the ball dropped.
He said he didn’t want “a romantic relationship” with me anymore, because we couldn’t agree on having children. You see, he doesn’t want children, I do…eventually.
His argument is this: if we stay together, one of us would have to compromise and they might resent the other person for making them do that.
It makes sense. My mum thinks he’s lying, that this is definitely about something else. I’ve had to explain to her that people can decide not to have children. My sister called it “absurd”.
I understand how they feel. I feel a million times worse. But I get it. It’s the logical thing to do. But at the same time, it just feels very unfair.
I’m 30 years old with zero interest in meeting anyone new. Especially because I thought I was done with getting to know another guy from scratch. Been there, too exhausting. I want no part of it.
It’s been two days since the breakup. He sent me a text yesterday asking to talk. I asked why and he didn’t reply. Good. Because he’s dead to me.
When he was done rambling about his reason for breaking up on February 1, I told him not to call or text me after that night. I know I’d never call or text him either because you’d never find me where I’m not wanted.
I’m taking the whole thing better than I thought I would. Maybe it’s because I’m dealing with it differently from the way I’d typically deal with heartbreaks; keep it to myself and talk about it when I’ve healed.
But this time, I’ve talked about it to my friend Victor and Adewale my boss who’s also my friend. I told my sister and then my mum who called my dad and brother because I couldn’t hold back the tears.
They’ve all been helpful with making me feel better. Them and my favourite comedy TV shows. I watched a few episodes of The Office yesterday but I’m rewatching 2 Broke Girls mostly.
I feel like I’ve not gotten to the depth of my emotions. I’m trying not to think about it but when it crosses my mind, I cry. I can’t help it.
I know that I can only move on when I’ve felt all that I need to feel. I’m maybe 7% into it. I know, it’s just been two days, I need to cut myself some slack.
All in all, I can’t believe that this is happening. I’m half expecting him to call me to say that it was all a prank but I know it isn’t. I also know that it’s for the best. Better now than a few years down the line, married and miserable because I want a baby and he doesn’t.
Thinking about things, I’m telling myself that the relationship has run its course. I was willing to make sacrifices for the love we shared and I ignored some red flags. I feel like when the sadness from the breakup is gone, I’d appreciate the fact that he did this more.
Goodbye Mr Sweetface, it was fun while it lasted. I don’t hate you, I wish I did, it’d make things easier, but I don’t.
I hope you find peace and breakthrough. And I hope you find someone who will love you half as much as I did, you’d be set. I also hope that they wouldn’t mind a childless marriage and maybe you’d change your mind, for their sake.
Sadly, it wouldn’t be me.